2019 was a big year for me. I signed with an agent, I was honored for some awards, I was a finalist for the Golden Heart award through RWA, my book sold, the women's empowerment program I co-lead received high praise, and my kid is cute. All that is to say, I found myself receiving a lot of compliments. That certainly not a bad thing--I like compliments; however, what I recognized in myself was my inability to simply say "Thank you."

Instead, I did what many of us do. I qualified my thank you.

• Thank  you. I really got lucky.
• Thank you. The credit really goes to [this group/this person]
• Thank you. I don't deserve it, but I'm excited.
• Thank you. He is cute. He's also kind of a beast.

I qualified my thank you. I diminished the accomplishment. Also, those statements aren't true. I wrote a good book. I worked with a group of incredible women to bring together a program, but I had a large hand in that. I am a creative and dedicated advocate for social justice. My kid is cute and only a beast like 28% of the time.

• Imposter syndrome. It's a defense mechanism. If someone doesn't like my book, hey, I told you I got lucky. If someone thinks I'm bragging or full of myself, hey I gave credit to others. If I'm found out as a fraud, I've already deflected the credit. Someone else can't break me down if I've already done it, so maybe I'm safe.
• Humility: I know humility is a socially desirably trait, especially for women and people of color. Here's the thing, though, my big secret: I'm not humble. Just ask my husband.
• Learned behavior.  Joy DeGruy is a tremendous scholar who studies multi-generational trauma. If you haven't read Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome and are interested in this topic, finish reading this, then drop everything and pick it up. It's paradigm-altering. she gives one example about historical threads leading to black women deflecting a compliment about their child with "Oh, he's a handful," or "I'm up to here with her." How many times did I see that growing up? DeGruy connects that to historical survival strategies that were passed down generation to generation. To diminish a child's accomplishments back then was to save them from being sold or taken from  you. I included a short video below if you're interested.

It was a blast to join Andrea of Shelf Love to record this podcast. 

​This weekend, I finished writing acknowledgements which, I have to tell you, feels a lot like giving an Oscar acceptance speech, except that I was wearing sweatpants and Chris Evans was nowhere to be found when I tripped walking up my own stairs.

Still, it’s humbling to thank everyone who supported you during the conception, gestation, and birth of your book baby. Too graphic? Are you trying to decide what the placenta is in this metaphor? Let it go, it’s not that serious (but the life-sustaining placenta for this book would be Diet Coke and Baked Cheetos). There’s a challenge to make the acknowledgements fit the tone of the book—for me, that meant a little touching, a little funny, and a little bit deeper than you thought it would go.

There are a few people I didn’t get to thank, so if you’ll indulge me…

• Thank you to the guy who hit on my friends and I at a bar while we were on vacation. I don’t know your name, but you inspired the hero in How to Fail at Flirting.
• Thank you to the first beta reader who told me no one would read a book about a woman of color professor. Without your jackassery, I wouldn’t have rewritten what is now chapter 1 in a flurry of rage.
• Thank you to our postal carrier who delivered Amazon box after Amazon box of things I could have easily gone to the store to buy. Momming + a demanding full-time job + writing is made just a little easier by having toilet paper and dog food delivered.
• A big shout-out out to teachers at my son’s daycare. They deserve kudos for many, many reasons, but here I thank them for loving my child when I dropped him off, even when I was off work for the day so that I could write.
• Thank you to the Twitterverse. I came to the party late, but Romancelandia on Twitter is a delightful, supportive, funny, and welcoming place to be.
• Finally, thank you to caffeine. Without you I would sleep more and do less. This book came to be because of your constant presence in my life.

​That was a preview, so I hope you’ll make it to the end of HOW TO FAIL AT FLIRTING to read the final cut of the speech. It's not out yet, so I’ll just be here, waiting for Chris Evans to show up.

Romance writers are proud of many things related to our craft: character development, humor, snappy dialogue, and steamy love scenes. There's something else, though. We're proud of our GIF game! Meet some of the 2020 debut romance novels coming your way as described by the authors in GIFs.
​The Authors:

Allison Ashley (Entangled)

Meryl Wilsner (Berkley) *Pre-Order Available Now*

Janet Walden-West (City Owl Press)

Katie Golding (Sourcebooks Casablanca) *Pre-Order Available Now*

Suzanne Park (Avon) *Pre-Order Available Now*

Rosie Danan (Berkley) *Add The Roommate To Your TBR*

Denise Williams (Berkley)

Get ready for a year of great books and be on the lookout for the next GIF post featuring more upcoming novels!

Two things about me: I’m a nerd and I love research.
​
It should surprise no one that I organized a surprise party for my third-grade teacher when I was eight-years old and that for the last fifteen years, I’ve been trying to find her to say thank you for the impact she had on me.

Mrs. James was the first black woman teacher I ever had—from pre-K through a doctoral degree, she was one of two. For much of a my childhood, I was a wallflower wishing to be invisible, but in her classroom, I felt seen. More than that, I saw someone who looked like me standing at the front of the room, and I was awe struck. After having her as a teacher, I never abandoned the idea of being an educator or a writer—thirty years later, I’m both.

I dug out old yearbooks, only to find none of the teacher’s first names were included. I used every tool I knew of, including calling the school district and Facebook messaging my old principal. Not knowing someone’s first name makes finding them in a large city somewhat impossible. My elementary school was attached to a military base, so everyone was transient, which makes the Alumni Facebook Group I found less odd. For a few years, I’d ask periodically if anyone knew her first name or where she was—some people shared with me how much they’d enjoyed her class, too, but no one knew, until last night when someone replied with her first name. My search clicked into to place. I’ve found her now—or, I’m pretty sure, anyway—but unfortunately, I think she died last year.

I haven’t spoken to her since I was nine years old—I know next to nothing about her, but this has me thinking a lot about representation, impact, and the people who touch our lives in pivotal ways without ever knowing. I’m thinking, too, about what it means to womxn of color to see people who look like them, how rare it can be,  and why that matters for those of us writing love stories about people who look like us.
​
Mostly, I’m thinking, I still plan to say thank you, I just don’t know how yet.

Yesterday, I spent about 5 hours sitting on the runway between three flights and four cities. I had every intention of spending the entire time writing (I didn’t) but being the extrovert I am, I found myself getting to know those around me in the way you to on planes (i.e. I don’t know your name, but I know what you do, where you’re from, what your kids do, sometimes your politics, and your in-flight snack preferences). If you’re curious, I would take a middle seat if it meant I got more Biscoff cookies.

On this flight, my neighbor with whom I’d previously been chatting politics, TV, and children, motioned to my laptop and asked, “Are you writing a book?”

I nodded, worrying for a minute it was the steamy sex scene I’d left on the screen and not the funny scene between aunt and teenager.

“Is it your first?”
My heart raced, I shouted in my head to be cool, and I answered with a practiced, polished voice. “No, my first will come out next fall and my second sometime the following year. This one might be my third.” We continued to talk and she asked about the books and the process. It was a lovely conversation and she made that flight a highlight of an otherwise very long day of travel.

If you’re curious, here are the things that were cycling through my brain before I gave that practiced, polished answer.

• THIS IS HAPPENING! A STRANGER IS ASKING ABOUT MY BOOK!
• Ack! What is my book about? Why didn’t I actually practice for this?
• How much do I reveal about the steaminess? Oh, she’s watching HBO, I’ll put it out there.
• I have two books coming out—is this real life? This feels surreal.
• Are the first two books any good and can I do it again?
• Will anyone buy them? Will readers love them like I do?
• Will this stranger read my book someday? What will she think?
• I wonder if the flight attendant remembers I’ve already had three packets of Biscoff cookies…

I share this for a few reasons.

1. Maybe Delta Airlines will read it and send cookies.
2. Some fellow writers might read it and share my thoughts—self-doubt and actual doubt is so real in this industry and this profession. I think others probably share my anxieties. I don’t have a solution to them—I’m sure they’ll cycle through my head the next time someone asks, too until, one day, maybe they won’t.

 
If you want the head’s up on my upcoming books, you can sign up for my newsletter here and you’ll be in the know when I have book news to share...but don't expect me to share the cookies. We don't know each other like that yet.

Bookwise, this last week left me spinning.

I sent revisions on How to Fail at Flirting back to my editor. It’s so close to being done. It’s polished, it’s clean, it’s lovely, and I smile to myself when reading it.

I sent my second book to a third round of reviews with critique partners. This book is well-crafted and my talented friends are catching things I’ll look at in editing, but also giving me feedback on what they love. And—whew!—they’re pointing out the same things I love.

With Nanowrimo kicking off yesterday, I started book three…and it’s new and flawed and choppy and…a first draft. So, in honor of book three and in hopes it is one day polished, clean, and lovely. Here are the things I’ve learned about starting over.
​

1. Outline! I used to think I was a pantster. Turns out, I’m not…I just didn’t know how to outline (hence re-writing my first book 4 or 5 times).  I work better when I have a plan to follow, so with books two, three and the ones yet to come, I’ve taken some time to write a logline, a high-level synopsis, and detailed chapter notes before I write.
2. Forget editing. I am not someone who can edit as I go or I will have a beautiful chapter one and then thirteen and a half unfinished dumpster fire chapters that fade into a non-ending. I’ve learned to forgo editing until I have things on the page. I still end up with dumpster fire chapters, but I am able to put them all out at once.
3. Rough drafts are supposed to be messy. A. Suiter Clarke shared a post from Ally Carter yesterday reading the worst thing about first drafts is they come right after last drafts. #Truth. I should re-read the first draft of my finished novels before I begin a new one to remind myself that writing is iterative, that the first draft gets molded and shaped, and that my understanding of comma usage has improved.
4. Misery loves company (and company is on Twitter). Find friends to complain with. Allison Ashley receives “IT’S ALL AWFUL!” DMs from me weekly when I’m drafting and she always reminds me I'm a good writer who writes well and then she ever so nicely kicks my butt back to writing. Find friends like this.
5. If you’re going through hell, keep going. I say this often, but if you hate drafting, just finish the dang book…then you’re editing 😊 It’s that easy, right? I know it’s not, but keep pushing…we want to read to your book.

I was invited to share my experience as a first-time writing conference attendee after the 2019 Romance Writers of America Conference. I brought home a lot of things from that conference which I outline in the post.

Preview:

• So many books.
• Business cards.
• Notes on notes on notes about craft and the publishing industry.
• Confidence.
• A plan.

I was invited to contribute to the Ruby Slippered Sisterhood blog along with the other Golden Heart (TM) sisters and I decided to write about the broader life lessons I've gained from writing. See the post here.