Biscoff Cookies, Self-Doubt, and Telling a Stranger on a Plane About My Book

Yesterday, I spent about 5 hours sitting on the runway between three flights and four cities. I had every intention of spending the entire time writing (I didn’t) but being the extrovert I am, I found myself getting to know those around me in the way you to on planes (i.e. I don’t know your name, but I know what you do, where you’re from, what your kids do, sometimes your politics, and your in-flight snack preferences). If you’re curious, I would take a middle seat if it meant I got more Biscoff cookies.

On this flight, my neighbor with whom I’d previously been chatting politics, TV, and children, motioned to my laptop and asked, “Are you writing a book?”

I nodded, worrying for a minute it was the steamy sex scene I’d left on the screen and not the funny scene between aunt and teenager.

“Is it your first?”
My heart raced, I shouted in my head to be cool, and I answered with a practiced, polished voice. “No, my first will come out next fall and my second sometime the following year. This one might be my third.” We continued to talk and she asked about the books and the process. It was a lovely conversation and she made that flight a highlight of an otherwise very long day of travel.

If you’re curious, here are the things that were cycling through my brain before I gave that practiced, polished answer.

• THIS IS HAPPENING! A STRANGER IS ASKING ABOUT MY BOOK!
• Ack! What is my book about? Why didn’t I actually practice for this?
• How much do I reveal about the steaminess? Oh, she’s watching HBO, I’ll put it out there.
• I have two books coming out—is this real life? This feels surreal.
• Are the first two books any good and can I do it again?
• Will anyone buy them? Will readers love them like I do?
• Will this stranger read my book someday? What will she think?
• I wonder if the flight attendant remembers I’ve already had three packets of Biscoff cookies…

I share this for a few reasons.

1. Maybe Delta Airlines will read it and send cookies.
2. Some fellow writers might read it and share my thoughts—self-doubt and actual doubt is so real in this industry and this profession. I think others probably share my anxieties. I don’t have a solution to them—I’m sure they’ll cycle through my head the next time someone asks, too until, one day, maybe they won’t.

 
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